


Of Strength

by AozoraAera



Category: Jimmy and The Pulsating Mass (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23818084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AozoraAera/pseuds/AozoraAera
Summary: Jimmy wants to be stronger......like his brother.(Contains major spoilers. Proceed with caution.)
Kudos: 9





	Of Strength

If his teacher at school asks him what is the definition of strength, he will answer without a doubt: it is his brother.

Jimmy always considers himself as a weak child. Even though he often gets praised for being a smart kid and for being able to solve mathematical problems surpassing other kids of his age, he always feels like he is lacking in something else. Only when he looks at his brother, he knows that his brother has everything that he does not have.

The idea of being able to be a strong person like his brother has always been his dream. Jimmy does not deny that he also feels intimidated and scared over his brother. He often mocks and belittles Jimmy for being weak, in so many aspects, including his struggle to lift weights and his incapability to handle scary movies. He also more often than not shows irritated and angry expressions and indifference for other times. Even when Jimmy is struggling to lift weights, his brother only stands there and does not do anything but keep pushing him.

Unlike his mother and his father who often praise and tell him that they love him, or his uncle that always tells how much he has a lot of fun playing games together, his brother never says anything like that. There are times when he thinks his brother probably never considers him as a little brother and more of a hindrance because of that, which shows how much Jimmy is intimidated and scared over him.

Even so, he still admires his older brother who can handle and go through so many situations very well, thanks to his strength. Almost as if there is nothing that can possibly scare him let alone defeat him, because he always has the strength to go through all hard situations. For Jimmy, his brother is the strongest person he knows, and he is stronger than anyone else. Jimmy wants to be strong like him too. He knows, probably he is too little for being able to beat the bad guys, but he wants to make a progress to be strong. Not only physically, but beyond that too. Just like his brother. Being strong in many situations is very cool. And perhaps, someday, when he can show significant improvement of his strength, he will probably be able to impress his brother and make him proud.

That is why he decides to follow him watching horror movies, even though Jimmy actually cannot handle horror things very well. That is why he decides to lift weights just like his brother despite his struggle, so he can be stronger like his brother. That is why he tries listening to the same music as his brother, even though most of the time Jimmy's ears are hurting. All so he can be stronger...just like his brother.

Unfortunately, Jimmy feels like he is becoming weaker and weaker every day. The time when he finally becomes stronger has become more and more like a fantasy. He feels like day by day, he keeps losing the energy to keep on fighting. He wants to be stronger, but his body does not have anything that supports his willpower. Even in hard times like this, he cannot handle this by himself.

Always, always. He is always standing, or crouching, behind his brother's back. Behind his shadow. Jimmy remembers how his brother always looks very irritated over his weakness. If only his brother knows, that Jimmy also hates how weak his own self is.

However, this time, his brother does not show the usual irritation after managed to save him from the feral dog. Instead, he shows an expression that looks...very strange. It looks very strange of him to show an expression other than anger, irritation, and indifference. He shows the expression that almost resembles how his mother always shows when he returns home late, or when he does not feel like eating, or whenever he feels sad.

It is an expression of concern.

"You've got to be stronger, man."

"You've got to..."

Guilt and sadness now overwhelm Jimmy. For the first time his brother, the strongest person he ever knows, looks visibly concerned--an expression that does not portray strength at all, instead portray the opposite--and it is because of him. Because of Jimmy, his brother does not appear strong anymore. Because of Jimmy, his brother looks sad now. If only... if only Jimmy could be stronger... 

If only...

"Why can't you be stronger?"

Every day, Jimmy questions the same. Every day, he feels like he keeps losing strength. Every day, he feels like he is getting further apart from his brother in terms of strength, no matter how much he wants to be like his brother in terms of strength. Jimmy can feel the gap between his strength and his brother's grow even wider. Believe him, Jimmy has tried the best he can. Jimmy is trying all he can to fight this battle by himself. Jimmy wants to be victorious. Jimmy wants to be able to finally defeat the sickness inside him so that he can surprise everyone that he is no longer a weak kid. His brother will also be impressed, and proud that he can be victorious against a formidable enemy that he has been fighting silently for years. 

That is why... Jimmy keeps trying. Even though he is now laying weakly on his hospital bed, he is fighting, and trying his best inside. Jimmy cannot wait to see the joyful smile of his mother, the proud expression of his father, the happiness from his uncle, and finally...the approval from his brother, that he is finally a strong person.

After his brother finally admits his strength, maybe they can hang out together. They can watch horror movies together, lift weights, listening to rock music that he always likes... There are many things that Jimmy still wants to do. 

That is why he keeps trying his best.

However, even his best is not enough.

It is not enough to defeat the sickness.

But at least, he is strong enough to admit his weakness, that he is not strong enough to fight against his sickness, and forgives himself for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Complicated siblings' relationships will always make me feel sentimental.


End file.
